What's the Best Way to Deal With Sibling Squabbles?

I’m beginning to think my 11-year-old son believes his sole purpose on earth is to torment and torture his 6-year-old sister.

I could, literally, count on one hand the acts of kindness he allows himself to bestow upon her weekly--from saying “Hello” to holding her hand during our dinner prayer (limited to 1.5 fingers). And I’ve also seen the “helpless victim” (aka Baby Face Gollum) in action.

Recently, I turned to the mom experts here on Momtourage for help and they suggested that I take anything with a screen away from him until he mends his ways. I buy into that as an immediately effective strategy but he’s really not that into phones, iPods, or even the family computer.

However, because life without X-Box or the “Michael Jackson Experience” for Wii from Friday to Sunday is excruciatingly unbearablefor him, so I’ve certainly been able to use that as a withholding asset.

I wonder, though, if I’m putting too much energy into what many view as healthy, normal sibling rivalry.I think my fear is my son will grow up to be the Grand Puba of the He-Man Woman Haters Club, complete witha “wife beater” clad beer belly and that my daughter will internalize his name calling until her esteem is irreparably damaged. Next thing you know, she'll bring home a barely evolved male species-type--one that is unacquainted with soap, a barber or other humans.

Extreme, I know. But I watch a lot of the Investigative Discovery channel with all of the “Who the Bleep Did I Marry?” and “Wicked Attraction” shows and these are almost always the individuals depicted. No judgments; I'm just saying.

So I usually try to stay out of the mix, as most experts agree I should.  But then I worry that my non-involvement will be seen as either showing favor or giving consent for them to continue. However, I’ve also found where having each tell their side allows them to see how they each have contributed to the situation.

I’m also aware that even though they share DNA, they are different individuals with different needs. He’s a he and she’s a she. He’s a tween and she thinks she’s a graduating high school senior. He’s a sports star and she, well… she whips her hair back and forth all day, every day.

I find time to give them one-on-one attention and where possible, I create opportunities for “Adventures for Tres”, a name we made up when the three of us are hanging out without Dad. And yet, they still make time to squabble, scrap and work my last nerve.

But there are some positives. They are learning how to resolve conflicts, how to negotiate and,hopefully,how to see another’s perspective. I’ve seen little sister take a swing at big brother and him show considerable restraint.  She’ll save half a snack she knows to be his favorite (not that he would even consider eating behind her) so I know they love each other.

 In reality, they do have many bliss-filled BFF moments so it’s not all bad. But for the times when the gloves do come on, I have a bottle of something red in the fridge.

How do you cope with sibling rivalry? Do you find is easy to not get involved?