Trying to Keep the Lines of Communication Open With Your Teen? One expert says just T.A.L.K

It’s no secret that teens value their peer relationships and hold their friends’ opinions in great esteem.  This makes complete sense when you keep in mind that the main psychological task of adolescence is to separate and individuate from parents and to form one’s own identity.  No wonder the peer group takes on such importance. 

But don’t forget, you are in this equation, too.  It’s easy to feel as if your input doesn’t matter and your concerns fall on deaf ears when you are speaking to your teen, but your teen needs you during the adolescent years more than ever. Dealing with the pressures of the teenaged world  is not child’s play and steady guidance and input from parents and caregivers is crucial.

Your teen might not admit it and she might not even know it, but she needs you. So, how do you stay connected?  It isn’t always easy, but it is possible.  To simplify things, just remember to T.A.L.K. to your teen.

T. Tell her what you expect.  There’s no room for guessing games when it comes to your teen knowing what’s expected . Let her know in advance and in no uncertain terms, what you expect in regards to grades, smoking, drinking, drug use, sex and other hot-button issues of adolescence.  You’d be surprised at the number of teens that have told me they were relieved that their parents set appropriate limits, and they could say, “Nope, my parents would make my life miserable if they found out I did that.”  They may grumble to their parents for “unfair” rules and their “nosey” ways, but many have admitted it to be a relief.

A. Ask why, what, when, where and who.  Never stop asking your teen these critical questions.  While your child may accuse you of being involved in the inquisition, you can smile and say “I love you too much not to be involved in your business.” 

L. Listen to what your teen’s concerns are.  She is growing up in a very different time than you did.  The pressures that used to face late teens are now facing early teens and even tweens. Listening is a key aspect of communication.  When your teen feels listened to, she is more apt to continue to use you as a sounding board and to come to you with concerns.

K. Keep your perspective.  The teenaged years can be very tumultuous, characterized by rebellion and risk-taking.  It helps to remind yourself that these years don’t last forever and that you and your teen can navigate them successfully together.