Starting School With a Special Needs Child: My Best Advocacy Tips

Every mom has their own my-son-is-going-to-big-kid-school jitters. In my old life, I never thought I’d have such anxiety until it was time to choose a college. But my son, Brayden has autism. And I, was plagued with worry. Where will he go?  When will we know his placement?  Will the school meet his needs?  What will the teachers be like?  What will his classmates be like?  How will he react in a new environment?   The concerns seemed non-stop.

My son was diagnosed on the autism spectrum at 18 months old.  At the time, I had absolutely no idea anything was wrong with my beautiful, perfect, first-born child.  The role of mother was still so new to me and I was instantaneously expected to become an advocate for his developmental needs.  I knew nothing about autism and knew no one who was on this journey.

After countless evaluations, home therapies, doctor visits, Early Intervention and three years at a special-needs pre-school, our next hurdle was Brayden’s Kindergarten placement in public school.  We live in New York City where I have worked as a public school teacher for nearly two decades.  Every part of me knew that placement would be a bureaucratic roller coaster.  But at the end of a long ride, the right school was found.

Based on my family’s experience, here are some tips that I have learned about finding an educational placement for a student with special needs:

Do your homework.  Pound the pavement and take the time to visit possible sites while students are in attendance.  Any school that refuses impromptu visits or schedules quick peeks at select rooms is not worth your time (or your child).

Bring someone with you - your spouse, parent or trusted friend.  Often another set of eyes brings more clarity.  If you find a school that’s right, suggest it to the placement officer.  You might be doing him or her a favor of dealing with one less caseload to place.

Don’t obsess over class ratios.  An integrated class may sound “better” than a self-contained 12:1:1 or 6:1:1 placement but it’s not about pride.  Concern yourself with where your child will succeed.

School budget issues are your concern, but not your problem.  Any and all services on your child’s Individualized Education Program (IEP) must be met.  No exceptions, no excuses.  The district has to find a way.

Learn the six principles of the Individuals with Disabilities Act (IDEA) which is the federal law that addresses the educational needs of students with disabilities.

Create a paper trail.  Letters are fine but email is better.  Write EVERYTHING down.  Not on post-its on your dashboard.  Get a notebook.  Jot down the date, time and person you correspond with.  Everyone has a boss.  Move up the ladder until your child’s needs are met.

Above all, the most essential lesson I learned is that:

NO ONE will advocate for a child like “Mommy” will.  Be polite but firm.  You know your child better than anyone else.  This journey is not a sprint but a marathon.  Stay strong and your child will reap the benefits.