Should Kids Call Adults By Their First Names?
Ms. Becca, Mrs. Ludlum, or Michael’s Mom. What do other people’s kids call you?
I don’t remember what I called other adults when I was growing up. I assume I called the parents of some friends “Mom” or “Dad,” but I just can’t remember for sure.
I was first called Ms. Becca long before I had children of my own. I was 19, and the young son of a friend (our only friend with children at the time) called my husband and I “Mr. Steve” and “Ms. Becca.” We thought it was formal, it was cute, and it was because we were living in Louisiana at the time. We assumed that it was something that happened in the south because neither of us had heard it before.
Fast forward to now. We have two children that we have raised to call adults respectfully by their first names. I should explain that teachers are always called Mr. LastName and Mrs. LastName. I’m talking about our neighbors, parents of the boys’ friends, or even the lady that cuts their hair. These people (to our boys) are Kelly and Brian, Jennie and Mike, Tracie and Jimmy, …you get the idea. Their kids? They call us Ms. Becca and Mr. Steve.
It was an “a-ha” moment when my husband and I figured that out.
Hmmm… our kids call them by their first names, and all of their kids call us Mr. and Ms. Did we do something wrong?
Are all of our friends from the south? No. A lot of our friends are prior military, and we thought that might have something to do with it. But I don’t really think there is just one reason.
I am intrigued, though. What do your kids call adults? What are you called by neighborhood kids? Do you think it’s rude for a child to call you by your first name?
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Shouldn't that choice be up to the adult who's being addressed by your kids? Some adults are completely comfortable with being called "Mary" by children - others will prefer "Ms. Smith". It may seem a little confusing to a child to have to address one adult as "Ms. Smith" while another (possibly older) one is "Mary", but this is a gentle introduction to diversity. Sometimes, people have different personal preferences, and learning to respect these is part of growing up!
My girls are 8 and the rule in our house is that anyone more then 18 years older than they are are referred to as either Mr./Ms. Last Name (casual acquaintances & strangers) or Auntie/Uncle First Name (if they see them on a regular basis and have a relationship with them). For kids that are 10-18 years older are referred to as Big Brother/Big Sister First Name (again with people that they have a relationship with). We feel that it is a sign of respect. As they get older, that may change organically. I know that I would feel odd if my friends' children called me by my first name only because it says nothing of our shared history.
My daughter has always called adults other than teachers by their first names, including aunts and uncles. The only exceptions are those adults whom we don't know well or who indicate, directly or indirectly, that they prefer to be addressed as Mr. or Mrs.
My in-laws object to this, as they see it as a sign of disrespect, but I really think it would be awkward if our daughter had to call our close friends by their title and last name. Our daughter is lucky to have wonderful loving adults in her life, and formality seems out of place. We do expect her to treat adults with deference and politeness, and she does that.
She also calls her aunts and uncles by their first names, which I think is an extension of my experience growing up. I was between generations, age-wise, and it would have been very odd for my nephew (four years my junior) to call me "Aunt Jen."