Is Privacy for Teens a Right or a Privilege?

Amen sister!!!

I wish I knew a teenager with a room like the one in the picture, I'd be inclined to give that one a lot of privileges

Sometimes, teens need privacy. Not because they are hiding anything, but because they may need some quiet time and space to work through emotions they experience, trying to understand themselves. Also, some people have personality quirks against open/closed doors. I personally could not stand being in my bedroom as a teen with the door open. It made me feel vulnerable and exposed, even when I was home alone.
As for the upset teen telling her mom it was non of her business why the teen was upset... My response would be: It IS my business. I'm your mother. I'll give you a chance to calm down and think it out, but later, I want to know what upset you.

Obviously your friend is an idiot! Thirteen year olds do not have a "right" to anything.

I have a good question. What are kids doing on this site? This is for moms who need a place to talk, vent and or ask questions not for kids to come & tell us moms what you teens want & don't want.

The environment that I have grown in has changed so much. I remember that I had to join the family at dinner time no matter how busy I was. Once dad left things changed and I was holed in my room. Having all the privacy that I had always wanted. I hated it when my mom would walk in to the room unannounced. It happened many times and caused so much of embarrassment to both. The meal times at least needs to be at the table. I am grown up and I now realise what the family union meant.

I do not think any child, of any age, should have a computer or a television or a phone in their room. Period. The television should be in one of the common areas of the house. If they need a computer for their homework, it should be set up in one of the common areas of the house. Same thing with the telephone. If they have a cell phone, it should be a basic phone with NO web access at all.

With that being said, everyone needs privacy, but it is not a right - it is a priviledge. A parent should have free access to their child's room, but they should not abuse that free access by walking in on the child for any reason whatsoever just for the heck of it. And that's a child of any age. If you want to teach your child to respect your closed door, respect theirs - with the understanding that you DO have the right, as the parent, to go into their room at any time.

I understand your reasoning that privacy is earned, but I also think that you should give privacy at the outset, just as you give trust at the outset, and take it away if it is abused.

I'll admit that I'm not a mother, I'm just a 24 year-old who stumbled upon this site and was curious as to what the mood is right now with kids and technology. It’s amazing to see how parents see privacy as the devil. It's a hot topic in society, and there are a few things that should be said about it. The first involves the fact that it’s 2011 and most mothers with teenage children didn’t grow up in the Internet age. The game has changed. I have had an e-mail account and virtually unlimited access to the Internet since I was 8 years-old. Crazy, right? So when I found out that my parents were spying on me through the computer, I quite simply hacked into the program, erased my history and filled it up with lies (another moral to this story is that your children will ALWAYS be more technologically savvy than you). Sure, there were more than a few rules in my house, but since I knew what they were, I just lied. Quite frankly, I became very good at it, not because I was ever doing anything particularly bad, it was just easier. I would lie about which grocery store I was going to or what I had for lunch that day, it was a matter of control, and after being spied on, I didn’t want them to have any access to my real world (if this doesn’t scare you, it should). Ten years later, while my friends talk to my mother about everything (really), I honestly can say that I have never talked to either of my parents about anything significant in my entire life. I understand their supposed reasons for wanting to know about my life, but no matter how much I empathize and try to forgive, that breach of trust will never be fixed. Not to worry, wire-tappers, I still talk to my parents, just on a very superficial level. Secondly, Some people need silence to do work. Some people are also more comfortable being alone. As a kid, I did a lot of reading and writing. Such activities are far less enjoyable (and less successful) when done in a common area. I also feel more confident than a lot of friends who become very uncomfortable if left alone for too long. Being a private and independent person is not necessarily a bad thing.

I feel that taking away a kid's freedom is not unlike when a government takes away their citizens' freedom. A citizen will become distrusting, then paranoid; he will become secretive and resentful, and eventually he will cease to respect the government because it is not acting as it should be. The same can be said for a child.

Parents are lucky because they have an ability to form their child into the adult that they want him or her to become. Direct limitations, bans, strict rules…they’re kind of like cheating. You’re bypassing that bond/trust that you should know you have. And by saying “I don’t trust you,” you’re also saying, “and you can’t trust me.” Controlling your child’s access to the outside world is going to cause you a world of hurt when that bubble you’ve created pops. Your intentions are good, I’m sure (just like my friend’s mom’s intentions were good by limiting her access to sugar at home (my friend would then steal and eat sugar packets whenever away from her parents)), but you’re creating a game your child will only learn to beat.

And as for “how to make it in the world,” the last time I checked, a person has a constitutional right to privacy, the right to have his own thoughts (a bad thought doesn’t constitute a bad action), and a right to free association (or disassociation).
Unless you expect your child to be involved in some seriously screwed up stuff as an adult, he or she will have a right to expect privacy in adulthood.

Lastly, I think it's a good thing that teenagers are on this site. Maybe it means that they're trying to see where their parents are coming from when they make certain rules. A site with a bunch of mothers sharing tips and experiences becomes infinitely more valuable when the opinion of an unbiased child is added to the mix. Similarly, it makes a rule-crazy parent not look like “the WORST mother EVERRR” when a kid can go online and see that 32 other parents agree (for reasons other than “because I said so, and I’m the mother/because you live under my roof”). The freedom of speech is based on the need for a free flow of information for people to have access to all aspects of a story so they can make informed decisions. More basic rights…

These things may be privileges in your house from 0-17, but they’re rights from 18-death, so it would be more helpful for children to learn how to use them responsibly.

- Submitted by a female of average intelligence born in 1987 who grew up in a digital world, frequented chat rooms without being abducted, talked on the phone with her doors closed without secretly plotting bomb threats with her girlfriends, and who will be graduating from law school next year.

The thing is your accusing ALL teens of acting this way. Simply not true. I think its alright for a teen to have privacy if he or she has proven that nothing will go horribly wrong once the teen gets it. You going right to the end of one spectrum and accusing youth of wanting to "control the house" or that "they think they are in charge." Last time I checked most of my friends or myself simply enjoy the 'privilege' to not have our parents on our backs 24/7. In this post your not even complaining about your kids. Your complaining about other teens who may be asking for advice on how to reason with their legal guardians because they are simply tired of living in a setting in which they have absolutely no freedom.

I'm a teenager, and I believe privacy is a right. I mean, yes I think it's wonderful to spend time with family, but by no means is everything I do my parents' business. How am I supposed to develop a sense of individuality if everything is mediated by my parents? I'm tired of adults using the "I pay the bills" argument as a reason for them to get their way. It isn't legal for a child to pay the bills, you can use that argument once a child reaches legal working age. Overall, parents need to stop stressing over the little stuff like whether their child is talking to their friend about clothes or school, and stick to worrying over the big stuff like whether or not they're failing math.