Is There Such A Thing As Too Much “Girl Power”?

Last week, my daughter and I watched Willow Smith perform her hit “Whip My Hair” on Oprah. Willow also served as co-host for Ms. Winfrey’s All-Time Smartest, Talented Kids show.  She was all things you expect a bubbly ten year- old girl to be; saucy, sassy and cute. For some. I could hear my Nana saying “She’s too grown.”  In my family, one of two factors could make you the subject of a family meeting: you were either hard-headed or you were too grown.  Being hard headed always led to a soft behind, my Nana would say.  But being too grown? Well. That was another matter altogether. Unlike being hard headed, being too grown didn’t come with a specific consequence attached to it. But the mere possibility of what being too grown suggested it could lead to was enough to keep us in line.

During the show, I received texts from friends, who were also watching with their daughters, saying, “Miss Willow is too fierce!” and “Look at little Jada go!”  My own diva-in-training was enthralled. We both enjoyed watching the talented, personality-filled little girl exude confidence with a touch of ‘tude. Is she the daughter of one of the most successful couples in Hollywood? Yes and, undoubtedly, a key factor in her meteoric rise into the public consciousness. But methinks young Willow would have been whipping her hair had they just been a blue collar Philly family.

But was she too precocious?”  Were the “giiirrrllllll” and “Baby” she offered as responses to Miss Oprah’s questions about fashion choices and Lady Gaga bordering on obnoxious? Nana would have said yes. But where do we draw the line between “Way to go!” and “Way too far!” in developing our future Movers and Shakers? How do we teach them to speak up for themselves if we shush them quiet? Or, if we make them sit down, how do we show them how to stand up for themselves?

As the direct descendants of Gloria Steinem’s Women’s Lib Movement we learned that the ideal of feminist power lay in achieving equality in social and political arenas. Our daughters are learning that power is about the ability to engage in self-definition and enact self-determination; i.e. whipping one’s hair back and forth speaks to declaring your individuality and non-conformity. It takes the hair toss and flips it into a power move. It’s rebellion without confrontation to a catchy beat.  

At six, my daughter is very clear about who she is and with two big brothers and four male cousins , not too shy to let her roar be heard.  And my Nana would have delighted in every single antic my daughter could whip up.  She would have bragged about the great-granddaughter named after her mother, saying “she’s too much” and insisted that I not “break her spirit”.

How do you find balance in promoting a healthy self-esteem in your daughter and keeping her sassiness respectful to adults and age appropriate?