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My Husband and I Clash on Religion. Now It’s Affecting Our Daughter
His snide comments are starting to damper her enthusiasm. What can I do?
When I wrote about my decision to send my kids to a private religious school (much to my husband’s chagrin) in The Jewish Week recently, I admitted that a lot of my decision was born out of a sense of guilt, a sense of duty, and my need to continue the journey of my ancestors and keep the Jewish religion, culture and customs alive and well in the hearts of my kids.
And I am happy and feel really good about my decision. Unfortunately my husband, not so much. But my husband is a mumble under his breath kind of a guy– and although he is Jewish, he has never really believed in religion of any kind. I guess you could call him agnostic– I think he believes a higher power exists– but that it’s unnecessary to subscribe to customs in order to appease this power. He believes that just being a good person and following the basic tenets of humankind should be enough to propel you through this life.
While I respect his beliefs and have never asked him to do anything he’s uncomfortable with- (okay perhaps that’s not ENTIRELY true) I’ve ultimately never tried to foist my religious inclinations and feelings onto him (and trust me – that has been difficult!). It’s gotten to a point where, he’s begun to belittle the hard work my nine year old daughter is committing to her religious education. And here’s the thing that really upsets me– my daughter LOVES her school- she gets such a satisfaction and sense of belonging- and has a real affinity for the language and the biblical studies. But having my husband’s snide comments and outward disdain for what she’s doing has certainly put a damper on her enthusiasm and general love for her learning.
I am unsure how to handle this- other than telling my husband to keep his unflattering comments to himself. I’ve tried to explain to my daughter that while we might believe in G-d and religion- Daddy doesn’t (which SUCKS on so many levels, but I digress). I’m trying to be honest with her– and yet it’s breaking my heart and I get the sense that it’s fracturing her yet untainted belief and passion for the subject she’s learning. But I also know that I cannot make a 52-year-old man change his fundamental belief system; certainly not at this stage of the game.
So, now what? Any suggestions?
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maybe your husband is concerned because his daughter is learning about the bizarre customs of some tribe from thousands of years ago who worship a sky wizard who grants wishes and believe that gay people are unnatural. maybe he's concerned because while your daughter could be learning about religion in her free time and learning valuable skills to actually get her ahead in life during school, its the other way around. maybe when your daughter knows a lot about some largely dead language, and barely anything about science, and can't compete in college, you'll finally understand why he was concerned. seriously do you really think its okay to indoctrinate your daughter into religious belief? religion is something that adults choose after giving serious thought to it, its not something you force upon children when they're young just incase they realise it's not for them when they're older. you're not giving your daughter a choice, and that's morally disgusting.
Reading your case, I feel that what you are doing is confusing the cultural aspects of Judaism (Hebrew, critical reflection etc.) which the spritual aspects of Judaism. The former can give a person a sense of belonging - although I would note that much of what passes for Jewish custom is a relatively modern creation and in the hands of poor teachers can easily slide in politics. As such, there is nothing wrong in your daugther learning Hebrew and the customs associated with Judaism - indeed, mastering Hebrew and understanding the Torah can help develop logical thought and critical thinking. Learning Hebrew can also give great confidence at languages later in life - 'learning French/ German/ Spanish etc. can't be that hard because I know....' However, the spirtitual side of the religion is another matter. At their heart, religions are childish explainations advanced by peoples how lacked an understanding of physical mechanisms - events we now know are caused by impersonal natural forces were atrributed to divine [read human] agency. Furthermore, religions had a nasty habit of providing justifications for particular social classes. I suspect that your husband's objections are basically rooted in an objection to the social uses of religion and the fact that religious explaination is often inhibits the development of scientific explaination. I suggest that you and your husband be honest with your daugther and explain the distinctions and nature of faith and state that the stories she learns are stories - they are not true but that they have value as stories. Children are quite capable of discerning the difference between religious/ social education and the secular education and the values of both.
As an atheist who attended a religious private school because my parents were both religious... I don't really see the problem with it. Anonymous has a point about religion's foibles, but the issue here is less about brainwashing children and more about the fact that you know your husband dislikes the concept of religion and yet you're forcing his only child to go and become indoctrinated in it. That's hardly the recipe for a harmonious home life. You two need to figure out where you really stand on this sooner rather than later, otherwise she's going to have more problems than a reduced love of learning about religion...
Woah, there is a reason that person posted as anonymous, that's idiotic. Being religious is not a bad thing, personally I follow your husband's belief in things, I follow no real prescribed religion. The other questions about the school is:
Are their academics strong?
Does religion take up more than 40% of the class time?
Do they not allow the children to ask questions that they consider 'wrong' in order to explore the religion?
Are you actually over-influencing your daughter, or is it really her that is wanting to be in this school?
If all of these answers are on the positive side, then really, I don't see what your husband't problem is, so maybe you should sit him down and ask him. Maybe he feels he's loosing touch with his daughter because he can't connect through religion, while you as the more devout one can? If that's true, maybe she could do a sport, or have daddy-daughter weekends with him.
Truthfully the easiest way is going to be just to calmly, outrightly explain what you see happening and ask him why he's doing it. Maybe he doesn't realize he is, and that may fix it. Also, explain how it's affecting your daughter, that right there should get him to stop.
Anonymous poster #1 - seriously? Derision is not a useful reaction to this issue. It is as responsible for the wars fought in the name of religion as fundamentalist beliefs are.
Melissa, this is a tough one and your post makes me sad. Religious differences broke up my family, so it is something I have experienced first hand. I had a very Catholic mother and an agnostic father (who eventually turned to/found meaning in Eastern Mysticism). Mom sent us to catholic school and dragged us to mass every Sunday (and every blessed day during Lent) for many of the same reasons you describe in your post. My dad always looked down his nose at her (and by extension us) for feeling compelled to ground us in the Catholic customs, as if her need for God, and yes, ritual, was a reflection of her innate weakness. It was a constant source of tension and disagreement.
I simultaneously loved and loathed being raised as a Catholic. I loved the euphoria that accompanies faith and often found comfort in the ritual. I loathed the rigidity and the nonsensical decrees about reproductive rights, the role of women in the church, etc. As an adult, I am not a practicing Catholic, but am so glad I had the foundation in the faith that I did.
In the end, differences over religion are impossible to resolve as they are, by definition, not rational (on either side). There is no way to prove or reason either side is right. What is absolutely wrong, and something to be discussed in counseling of some sort, is the derision. It's possible for couples to have different takes on religion, but it takes mutual respect. You shouldn't necessarily make sweeping decisions to involve your children in your chosen religion without discussing it with him first (and finding some kind of compromise on how to go about it). And he should never, ever be condescending to you or your children about their individual choices of faith.
Marriage is hard. It cannot survive one-sided, black/white, either-or dilemmas for very long. You must both work together to find a way to deal with differences in faith that show your children how to disagree, reason, compromise - and most importantly - how to love another person even though they are different. I'd ask the question of both of you - how might you work through your differences in faith in a way that sets your children up to be adults secure in the knowledge that they are lovable no matter what their religious choice and good, tolerant citizens.
You need to resolve this and fast! Let your daughter find her own path and it will have alot more meaning for her. Some people don't find religion until they're adults and it means something to them. A life without religion is fine. Let go of the guilt. Parent decisions shouldn't be based on guilt. Mary Ryan
Wow, that's a tough one to tackle first thing in the morning! Passive aggressive behavior is hurtful to everyone, and as a mother of three, I can understand how painful must be to see the people you love most both hurting. The best advice I can give would be to encourage your husband to calmly and thoughfully take small opportunities to share his beliefs with your daughter. For example, when she talks I about a story she's recently learned, he can mention what other people around the world were doing at that time and how different beliefs were developed based on each groups personal experiences. My daughters and I talk about the biblical creation story and also discuss the creation stories of other cultures. We discuss how a knowlege of science today helps us interpret events differently. But unfortunately, there is nothing that can take away the sting of a parent mocking something that you love. Unless he changes his approach, I fear some of her sparkel will fade. If he will not make an effort, perhaps for your children's sake, you should consider putting them in a school environment where be can be supportive and you can provide your children with more religious training at home. I wish you and your family the very best as you work through this difficult situation.
Let’s do something crazy for a second and completely remove religion from the picture. What do we have? You’ve introduced something important to you to your daughter. She’s enjoys it. It’s something that gives your daughter an opportunity to learn, grow, and be social. And it also represents her heritage. So what’s the problem?
Everyone under the sun has their opinions about religion. Not everyone believes the same thing and that’s okay. Part of what makes this world so great is the wonderfully diverse cultures and beliefs everyone has to offer. Don’t turn it into a “We believe in God, but daddy doesn’t” situation, but use it as an opportunity to explain that people have many beliefs and that it’s okay to believe different things.
Eventually your daughter will decide for herself what she believes. I don’t see any harm in starting her off on a traditional religion or even peaking her interest in a religion. Spirituality is an important part of human life. (Believing or not believing are all part of spirituality.)
Sit down and talk with your husband about it. Why does he have a problem with it? Is it because it's religion? Would he do the same if she were into tap dancing? This issue can be resolved with talking and a little personal reflection. Hope this helps.
You think you husband believes in God? How long have you known each other? Just by reading this, I sense that the issues between you and your husband go a little deeper than just disagreeing on religion. It appears like there are communication issues aplenty as well as maybe respect and resentment issues.
Re-read your story. How much do you discuss whats best for your daughter VS how much you discuss what you don't like about your husband and how he's wrong.
Seek marital counseling.
Meh, people have clashed over their religious beliefs since almost forever. He is letting you monopolize your daughters theological upbringing probably because otherwise your relationship wouldn't work, but it chafes and comes out occasionally. If he feels like his views on religion are being regarded as "second class" it is normal for there to be some resentment.
Think part of the problem is that you pulled your kid out of a school where she'd learn that lots of people believe different things and that's just fine and put her in a place where it seems "everyone" agrees with you except her father. It 'sucks' that he doesn't think like you? That's getting awfully close to telling your daughter that what he thinks sucks. You're undermining his beliefs and thus him. Teach your daughter your beliefs, but don't put her in a situation where your beliefs are the only ones she has any exposure to. You seem to have little respect for your husband, his opinions (religious or otherwise), and his feelings. I'm sure both he and your daughter have picked up on that
Meh, people have clashed over their religious beliefs since almost forever. He is letting you monopolize your daughters theological upbringing probably because otherwise your relationship wouldn't work, but it chafes and comes out occasionally. If he feels like his views on religion are being regarded as "second class" it is normal for there to be some resentment.
Perhaps you could consider letting your daughter find her own way when it comes to making such a life changing decision. Your daughter isn't old enough to come to her own conclusions and think critically, and you're betraying her trust by indoctrinating her with your personal belief system. Let her be her own person.
You using the words I, me, & my a lot in here make me believe that you don't really respect your husband's opinion. They are not just your kids, but his as well. Perhaps you should spend more time discussing important child-raising issues with him, & taking into account his opinions & feelings, before making such important decisions...or did you discuss it with him, listen to his objections, & then decided to do what you wanted anyway?
After reading your article in "The Jewish Week", this sentence in your above post seems to ring even more untrue:
"While I respect his beliefs and have never asked him to do anything he’s uncomfortable with- (okay perhaps that’s not ENTIRELY true) I’ve ultimately never tried to foist my religious inclinations and feelings onto him (and trust me – that has been difficult!)."
Have you ever been to couples therapy to try to learn how to communicate with & respect each other & their beliefs? ...& I don't mean just dragging him to the Rabbi for a talk...
As she goes through life she will constantly be presented with an entire spectrum of ideologies. Some she might be drawn to herself, others people may try to push. In the end trying to protect her won't help her faith and belief, she needs to come to her own decisions, and she certainly seems adequately equipped to do that! Only through her own exploration can she come to find her truth.
Now they teach alien language at schools :D
Maybe, they'll write alien essays?
Unless your husband is really angry about something else, some compromise should be possible. A good couples therapist would be ideal but, even without... First and foremost, each of you need to show the best of your values to your daughter -- not belittle the others. To really be enlightened (no deity required), you should each be able to articulate that for each others point of view, even if you don't agree with it. But, by your account of it, your husband is being childish because he doesn't feel empowered on this sensitive subject. He should be able to express his viewpoint in a positive way (science museum?). There are non-theological benefits to Judiasm (e.g., Law of Return) and a knowledge of the heritage by which (regardless of her own beliefs) she may be judged.
You've devoted a lot of your child's time to your beliefs, it's only fair that your husband gets the same. Create a schedule where dad gets to spend time - either one on one or through extra-curricular - indoctrinating your daughter in the system of beliefs and values that he holds or wants her to hold.
He should not be confusing your daughter with snipes and sarcasm, but it's clear he feels you have not respected his values in choosing this educational path. Get it out in the open and give him a chance to instruct her equally. If he wants to take the time to read her the Torah, Socrates, Nietzsche, L. Ron, or Captain America, then he should do so without a whit of protest from you. If he doesn't, he doesn't. Either way, the sniping should stop.
It doesn't sound like your husband feels that his belief or lack thereof has been respected. You admit that you've asked him to do things he was uncomfortable with. That looks like a big red flag waving. He did not marry a religious Jew, but you've chosen to re-embrace your Orthodox upbringing. You made a unilateral decision to send your daughters to yeshiva. To make things worse, you do this out of guilt. No wonder your husband has negative feelings about this.
The good news is that the girls like the school. Your husband should respect that. BUT, he should be able to have his opinion & discuss them with the kids in a way that doesn't make them feel bad about their school. It's tricky, but possible.
Your husband is what's known as a self-hating Jew. However, since he's disowned the faith, that makes him a run-of-the-mill anti-Semite. He should keep his bigoted opinions to himself, much as Jesse James did from Sandra Bullock. Or perhaps he should take a trip to the National Holocaust Museum, stand in the Room of Shoes for a while, and contemplate what happens when athiests who hate religion declare their is no God's Law but only a law of men.
Whatever your husband's feelings, it's just wrong that they come out as snide comments toward his daughter. If he felt that strongly about it, he should have put his foot down about not sending her to a religious school, with you, in private. Now that she's there and enjoying it, it's frankly too late (I think it would be wrong to pull her out now) so he needs to deal with this thoughts, feelings, a beliefs in a way that doesn't undermine his young daughter's self-confidence and joy in what she's doing. In short, he needs to grow the hell up and talk to her about belief in general and his beliefs in a way that helps her rather than hinders her.
Your husband being a “Jewish” agnostic is free from the dogma of religion or atheism. Yet he still had to decide to live as if they is a God or not. It sounds as if he has choice the former. Unless he lost his faith during the marriage I can only assume that this was not an issue when you were dating or engaged. If his being an Agnostic was not an issue before the marriage why has it become on now? Did you not anticipate having children? He could be right and all the rituals your daughter is spending time on are meaningless. Perhaps the Christians are right, or the Muslims, or even the Atheist. I would recommend some couples counseling to work on helpful ways of communicating and once those are developed perhaps you both can decide which of the above wagons you want to hitch to your faith.
It sounds like your husband knows less about his heritage than most gentiles do. If he knew anything other than a few one liners to insult religious people, he would know that one of the things that comes with a Jewish education is a deep seeded respect for reason and evaluation of multiple interpretations (of just about everything). These are the very things our society lacks thoroughly and are difficult to find in secular educational systems. Its shocking to me that your husband would be so un-self-aware to the extent that he doesnt see his own prejudice seeping into his opinion of his daughters learning. He seams to be the one with a lot of growing up to do.
To me atheism is overrated, and was followed by some of the greatest butchers of millions of people (unfortunately two of my great-grandfathers were in concentration camps, one was murdered during WWII in one of these), remember that a lot of scientists were deeply religious or were even connected with their religion e.g. Copernicus, Mendel, Einstein ("God doesn't play dice" well, maybe sometimes?). I suppose that in all our time in this worldly realm we might not ever discover all it's secrets (even Godel's theorem says we cannot say everything about space generated with the Zermelo-Fraenkel axioms and including natural numbers, but we live in a realm or space if you will that is much deeper, richer and complex - to this day there are a lot of open problems and I suppose there always will be, so in such a situation the statements of the atheists seem very questionable to me). Moreover, existence questions are interesting and also questions wether we have missed anything that might definitely make it impossible to approximate this universe with our theories, take note that it appears that in many tens or hundreds of billions of years other galaxies might not be visible (the expansion of space faster than light between galaxies). What if we have missed other such events in the microscopic or macroscopic scale, who's to tell? A civilization that would be born in one of those galaxies in that time period might never know about such an expansion or other galaxies, then it would have a missing axiom / law in its theory. What then but definite incompleteness about which most probably such a civilization would never know. So you see not everything is given to be observed, sometimes you get your chances, windows, time frames, hints, etc that might be called pure luck and it's certainly good to grab as many of those as you can if they were meant for you. Though I'm not a Jew, maybe a little in the sense of Gandhi and noting that since I'm a Christian I believe a certain rabbi was quite more than a rabbi, I did learn a beatiful word some time ago: Shalom. And with that word I would like to say goodbye.
Gregory "Biernat" Wielopolski
It is unfortunate when people marry and start a family with diametrically opposed beliefs.
However you are stuck where you have put your daughter - you must together decide what is best for her. I would suggest studying Jewish theology together (since you are both Jewish) with teachers that you respect(despite differences). You may find out that you are not as far apart as you believe - or you may find a middle ground - either way your daughter will benefit from it. Judaism has rich theolgical, histrorical, and mystical traditions - studying them is likley to be intreresting and beneficial, regardless of whether minds are changed.
well that should have been a deal breaker being that marriage is a union aknowledged and protected by god if you dont share the same beliefs then your foundation is cracked...poor child will have a harder time knowing the truth...blind cant lead the blind
I was struck by a phrase in your article in The Jewish Week: "I need their Jewish identity to be sealed." It seems like your problem with your husband has almost nothing to do with religion and much more to do with control. You actions seem to be about control over your children and to push his buttons. You have picked the one thing you seem to know would bother him the most and made it a focus of your and your children's lives. It appears that you are focusing on the wrong tenants of your religion -- what is your commitment to your marriage? how important is it to you to be good role models to your children, to teach them about communication and compromise? are you focusing on the dogma of your religion over building a strong family for your children? Is that really the best you can offer them -- is a Jewish identity more important than active parenting from two loving engaged parents? Why are you teaching your children that your husband is on the opposite side of an "us vs. them" worldview?
I think your answers to these questions will be more about control over your children and control over your husband than about the virtues of a Jewish education. I think you are trying to test your husband and you are setting your children up to live in a broken home. Unless you only want to spend every other Hanukkah with them, figure out what you think is actually the most important for your kids.
you're unfortunately unequally yoked. i too got myself into that kind of marriage. I a protestant married a Catholic and though she claims to have converted she still clings to that belief.Protestants study and live by the bible. Catholics study the pope. That makes having a Christian home extremely difficult. When one is submitted and the other isn't that's a recipe for being a doormat. you have my prayers.
All I can say, is poor man. He obviously disagrees with the way you are bringing up your child but is too fearful to make a stand. I suggest you do the decent thing and instantly file for divorce. As he clearly has the best interests of your child in mind, though he may lack the courage to fight for them, please sign over custody to him. Then just go. If you truly believe in your deity, live a virtuous, reclusive life dedicated exclusively to him. Pray. Fast. Maybe take a vow of silence. Just don't screw up any more kids with your half-baked mythology or inflict your nasty personality on anybody else.
"I guess you could call him agnostic– I think he believes a higher power exists– but that it’s unnecessary to subscribe to customs in order to appease this power."
You don't know? You're religious, you're married to him, and you 'think he believes a higher power exists'? The issue might be peeking out because of your daughter's religious education, but the fact is if you can't talk to your husband about something that's important to you and obviously a sticking point for him, this isn't about religion, it's about your inability to communicate over something that matters to you.
"While I respect his beliefs and have never asked him to do anything he’s uncomfortable with- (okay perhaps that’s not ENTIRELY true) I’ve ultimately never tried to foist my religious inclinations and feelings onto him (and trust me – that has been difficult!)."
"I am unsure how to handle this- other than telling my husband to keep his unflattering comments to himself. I’ve tried to explain to my daughter that while we might believe in G-d and religion- Daddy doesn’t (which SUCKS on so many levels, but I digress)."
You know how you handle it? By stopping the passive aggressive bull that you're the noble person here because you ALMOST NEVER disrespect him, ALMOST NEVER try to get him to do things he doesn't want to do, and certainly ALMOST NEVER indicate to your daughter that Daddy sucks.
You wrote this in a fashion that indicates that you are the aggrieved person here, but your asides indicate that you're pretty culpable for all the tensions.
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Save a little money and put her in public school? :) I grew up in a similar situation - mother was an ardent Adventist zealot, Dad believed in God and being a good person but not in church. Mom wasted money sending us to religious schools, drove wedges into the relationship with us vs him talk and eventually went on to destroy the whole family over the issue. Us kids fought back against the lunacy, made sure dad had custody (in washington state children as young as 12 have a choice - both in court and through out of court mechanisms that force the courts hand), and ended up in public school because the divorce drained _all_ family financial resources. 15 years later i'm still helping pay for it.
To be honest it's not worth losing sleep over, teach your daughter, love your husband. Use the differences as learning opportunities but don't speak bad of him or make an us vs him issue of it. In the end she will make up her own mind on religion and you'll simply have to accept. While you have her ear teach wisely and with respect - everything will work out better if you do.
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I had a similar problem at home, but since my spouse did not have any other alternative to keep the kids in the right path (I mean the kids would have just wasted that time watching video games and TV or facebook.
So I continued taking them to the religious school. Religious school do teach values which are better than watching crap on TV or playing video games or wasting time on facebook or youtube. By the way, I am not a Jew. (just a different religion)
Kids and religion are a bad combination. Children are far too impressionable and will believe practically anything they are told, especially if it's by someone they trust. While religion is a noble concept with inspirational goals at its core, telling kids something this major is true with zero proof is cruel and will hinder their personal growth. To be sure I'd let my kids read the bible I'd even encourage it, it's steeped in allegory and teaches lessons in good morals. However like any story it is still only a tale and should be treated as such.
Your husband is correct in voicing his disapproval openly. You are disrespectful of his convictions in enrolling the girl in a religious institution. I would probably divorce my wife in a similar situation. One has no right to contaminate chldren´s brains with bronze-age mysticism. Use her youthful energy toward something useful, like learning a foreign language, music, sports, etc. Pretty much anything will be a better investment than religion. True, if your daughter is smart, religious education may actually be the fastest way for her to become an atheist free-thinker and reject non-sense. But if she turns out not to be that smart, she may well believe what is now being taught to her, at least for a while, and be delayed in her development as a human being. Also, she may be up for bitter disappointment later in life.
I find many of the comments insulting. Do you really mean to say that by studying a religion when you are young, you are not allowing a person to make their own decision about religion? On the contrary, you are allowing a young person to become educated about religion, which will allow her to make her own choice! How can you allow a person to "find their own way" if they don't understand the choices? The most disappointing thing to me is that her father doesn't respect her beliefs (and yours) enough to not make snide comments about them. In raising a family, the biggest lesson you can teach your children is respect - for people, philosophies and ideas. If the parents are not going to respect each other and their differences, how will they learn respect for the rest of their life? My belief system is different from the system I was raised with, but the knowledge I gained help me to make a knowledgeable decision on how I wanted to live my life. Let the daughter accept the direction of her mother, let the parents show how differences be respected and let the daughter continue in what she enjoys. After all, it is the parents responsibility to set the starting path of their child. Then the child can move to the path they want as the grow older.
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Suggestions? Yeah, I have some. Your husband is behaving no worse than you are. You say he's belittling your daughter's religious education. Okay, that isn't cool, I'll agree with you that far. He should make his stance without rancour. So why is it okay for you to belittle his lack of faith? "[W]e might believe in G-d and religion [but] Daddy doesn’t (which SUCKS on so many levels, but I digress)." You're belittling him, and I bet it comes across in person much more clearly than it does over the internet.
You state that you take the commendable attitude of accepting your husband's (lack of) belief with absolute tolerance and equanimity. Clearly, however, you think he's the worse for it and you think he's somehow threatening your faith and your daughter's. But why is it okay for your daughter to be brought up specifically to believe something without allowing her any true differing influences? Is that healthy? Her father should not be scornful of your beliefs (although I am sympathetic to his standpoint) - and nor should you be scornful of his. You're as bad as one another.
Your daughter is nine. A little, impressionable girl. If she's to be a member of any faith of her own accord, she simply must be taught that other beliefs and lack-of-beliefs exist and, importantly, that while you personally might not agree with them, they are every bit as valid. Otherwise she's simply never been given the opportunity to truly choose. Freedom is supposed to be the American dream, and teaching a person that only one thing can ever be correct, without ever giving them the opportunity to freely explore other paths without stigma or judgement, is the antithesis of freedom. Please also note that it's more than possible to learn about a faith or culture without being a part of it.
Encourage your daughter to learn about Judaism. Allow and encourage her to learn with equal freedom and enthusiasm about agnosticism, atheism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Sikhism, paganism, Buddhism... anything and everything. The more informed she can become, the wiser her eventual choice will be - for her, personally. As much as a child's mother wants to give the child only "the best", we sometimes fail to recognise that some decisions are simply too personal for us to make for our children before they even get the chance to realise that there is a decision there to be made. In the end the only person who has the right to make the decision on her faith is her. And she deserves to have true freedom of choice.