I have a college degree, but I chose to give up working 18 years ago when I started having babies. Now, 18 years later, one is getting ready to go off to college, one is 16, one is turning 13 and one is 9. I have been home 18 years taking care of EVERYTHING! (also have 4 cats, 1 dog, and 2 birds). My mother depends on me, my youngest sister depends on me and so do many others. I have lost ME. I used to work out twice a week. I felt great. Of course life got too busy with the kids so I gave that up. I have gained 15 pounds in 3 years, (since the big 40) and I cannot get motiviated to do anything about, yet I hate myself. I have no self-esteem left anymore. I am constantly thinking about my belly roll, and I am always looking in the mirror pulling back my face to see the old me. What is wrong with me! I know I am so lucky to have 4 beautiful and healthy children and financially, I do not have to go back to work. (Unless I want to live more extravigantly). We don't go on fancy vacations, so we can save money for colleges. I have never been to a salon to have my haiir done. I rely on my sister, whenever she has a second to at least cover my gray hair. Up until I hit 40, I did not feel like this. I felt pretty good about myself. I know if I got back in shape I would feel better, but I just Can't do it. I feel like I am lost. I don't know who I am anymore. I lost my own identity. Recently a cousin of mine basically said I was a waste because I stay home and take care of my home and kids. I think that comment really hit home. I know all of this has an affect on my relationship with my husband too. He just thinks I should always be happy because we are so lucky to have what we have. He is right, but he is also wrong. He has a life outside of the house and kids. I do not. I have thought about going back to school to learn something new, but I am 43! I was a computer programmer for an insurance company. After 18 years, I am a dinosaur in that field. I just want to know if there is anyone else out there feeling the same way. That will make me feel better. I dont want to think I am going crazy........
Tired, Lost Mom!