When do you have "the talk"? I have no experience with this. I'm still waiting for my parents to give me the speech. Sex, like all uncomfortable topics, was ignored in my parent's house. I have 3 kids, so at some point I figured it out.
I thought this summer might be a good time to talk to my 9-year-old. She was going to enter 4th grade in the fall and they have sex education in the curriculum. I wanted to do a preemptive strike.
Luckily for me, I had a natural opening. Amanda had asked me about the tampon machines in the ladies room. I told her it was complicated and I'd tell her later. Well, it was later and I was going to tell her. That would give me a natural transition into sex.
We started our talk. There I sat, downing a bottle of Polygamy Porter beer for courage and Amanda, clutching a copy of The Book of Questions. She found the book in our suitcase and thought it would be fun for us to ask each other some of the questions within.
Before we started reading the book, I launched into my prepared speech about tampons, menstruation and the whole bloody mess, literally. She asked some questions, told me it was gross to be a girl, lamented about how lucky boys are and she was done. "Now can we do The Book of Questions?" she asked. What? No probing questions about sex? I told her about the significance of menstruation. After that, she can have a child. Doesn't she want to know how that happens? Isn't she curious? Maybe I wasn't clear. Maybe she didn't understand the importance of getting your period. Aaargh! I was going to tell her about sex. I'm ready. I've had two Polygamy Porters for courage and they're going to discuss it in school next year. I have to tell her before the school does. How can she be uninterested? Everyone is interested in sex.
I back off for a moment to regroup. We start asking each other questions from the book. One came up alluding to sex. She answers the question like she knows what it is. Intrigued, I ask her, "You know what sex is?" "Yeah, it's when you lie on top of each other and kiss." Oh goodie, here's my chance.
"Yeah that's true, but it's also how you make a baby. Did you know that?"
"Really? No, I didn't know."
"Uh huh. It's a little more complicated than kissing. Would you like to talk about it some more.?"
"Mom, I'm only nine. Can we just ask each other more questions from the book?"
What? She really doesn't care? Unbelievable. Happy that I at least tried, I let it go. For now.
"Sure. But if you ever have any questions you can always ask."
I'm only nine. Her words echoed in my head. Yes she is, and thankfully, still an innocent child. I'm happy to keep her naive for just a little while longer.