We had just gotten married in March and weren't really looking to have a baby for a long long time, if ever. We are both so young -- 21 & 22. Well in September we found out I was pregnant and I cried for days.

Needless to say the first several months were awful, no morning sickness or anything just dreading the arrival of a child. Then I find out that we have to move from D.C. to a little old hick town, where I had little chance to persue my career. I was devestated but thought it was best since we had decided not to raise the baby in the city. A little while later we found out we were having a boy and it just hurt me more, we had decided I had wanted a boy if we were to have a child... I cried when the lady who did the sonogram told us, and she just thought I was that happy, little did she know. After that I started to resent my child and I'd place a fake smile on whenever people would ask about him and if I was excited.

Slowly the due date came and went. So we went in for a check up and it turned out his heartbeat was really low so they sent me to the hospital where we were monitored. We were told that they thought it was best if I'd stay at the hospital and get induced so they could watch him through the whole process... and to me it was just another blow... my closest sister was graduating high school and I swore I wouldn't miss it for the world, yet I had no choice.

They did some test and told me he'd be about 7.5 lbs give or take a bit and at 3 o'clock PM on a Thursday, they started the IV process. By midnight they broke my water and around 3am they gave me the epidural. Morning came and it was 9AM. Nothing but uncomfortableness.... By 10 I started to push, on and off for 5 hrs... nothing not even close. The epidual had worn off. So they checked me and decided it was best to give me a C-section. So my husband got scrubbed up and we were ready to go.... they took me in and gave me the spinal drug and laid me down, but I didn't go numb, so they did it again, and I still wasn't numb and finally a 3rd one and we thought I was numb cause my feet went numb but then I felt them touching me with their tools...freaky.

They had to put me under and when I woke I didn't want to see my baby, hold him or anything. My husband placed him on my chest and I just pushed him away. I felt so much pain from everything we went through so I slept and when the medication kicked in and I was awake I finally held him and just looked at him and suddenly he looked at me. He was so cute... and it was in that moment that I realized it was all worth it, every last scream and tear, he was perfect. He's now 4months old and James works 1.5 jobs and I work part time and we may not be able to give him everything he deserves but he's just perfect and has completed our lives and we'd do anything for him. Now I couldn't imagine our lives without him. I love him so much.