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Fab Five Fridays - October 15th
Fed Up Fridays! Why is Grocery Shopping So Painful? - October 15th
Love food. Hate the experience of buying it. And Oh! the people you will meet.
Unless it is 104 degrees outside and I’m looking for some free air-conditioning to mooch, I would rather be doing pretty much anything besides grocery shopping. (Doing it with my kids in tow ranks just below anesthesia-free root canal surgery on my personal fun-list.) So when I’m schlepping that unwieldy cart through the store—the cart that invariably has at least one wheel that is stuck in the sideways, non-rolling position—I’m generally not my happy, congenial best. Which makes it tricky to be kind to the following folks I never fail to encounter:
Invisible Izzy. She went off in search of the perfect peach, the best buy on burger meat, leaving her cart blocking the very aisle I’m trying to navigate. She is nowhere to be seen, forcing me to lose all of that fabulous momentum I have going to stop and shove gently nudge her cart out of my way. I have to fight the urge to toss a few boxes of condoms and a package of Depends into her cart.
Forgetful Fran. She looks quick and efficient as she unloads her loot onto the belt, so I feel safe sliding into line behind her. Until she drops the dreaded bomb: “Oh, shoot! Forgot the milk. I’ll just be a sec...” I know it’s wrong to hope she trips on the way to get it, but sometimes I can’t help myself.
Coupon Charlie. He waits until every last item in his haul is loaded into the bags before he even begins to start patting his pockets in search of his wallet. And then—oh God no—he proceeds to pull out coupon after wrinkled, faded, ancient coupon. Of course the scanner machine can’t read the bar codes, so the checker has to try to decipher and then manually enter each one. (No easy feat with her two-inch acrylic nails.) “You need to buy two Hamburger Helpers to use this one,” she informs him, waving the tattered twenty-five-cents-off voucher in his face. Dude, here’s a dollar. Can we move this party along?
Meticulous Milly. She commented on how cute my children are, so I thought we had a nice little friendship going. Then she whips out the checkbook. Is that calligraphy? Of course, she has nowhere to go and nothing to do, so after she’s penned the Picasso of checks, she might as well balance the ledger right there on the little checkout shelf. I try not to sigh audibly because I know that I, too, will be old and senile one day, even though you have my word that I will not write checks at the grocery store or try to sneak into the express lane with thirteen items.
Who have you met at the grocery store?
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LOL this is great! I'm in retail management and this is just as frustrating for those of us who work in the store as it is for the customers! Add "Loose Change Larry" to the list! This is the guy that insists he has the change and digs trough every pocket of his pants trying to find exact change and mostly finds nuts, bolts, screws, etc. placing it all on the counter before he FINALLY finds change, but almost never the exact amount, resulting in change back anyway! His cousin, "Coin Purse Carla" is no better. She will dig through the bottom of an enormous purse trying to find the change that is buried under all the other crap in there, for 5 minutes! Then we have "Penny Pincher" who will INSIST that the price on the shelf is 5-35 cents cheaper than what the item rang up. In order to over ride the price, we have to go physically check it, and SURPRISE: 9.8 times out of 10 it's exactly what it rings up for. Most of the time, "Penny Pincher" just didn't pay attention to the cents part of the price, and I'm thinking, "Really?? You're holding up this line for 5 cents???" We can't forget about "Patty Pin #" This poor soul CAN'T remember the right pin # for her debit card to save her life! After about 18 attempts, she finally resigns herself to write a check! AAAAK! The worst part is that you can see the 20 bucks cash in her wallet, taunting you while she turns into "Meticulous Milly" ! Last but not least, I need to mention "Wishy Washy Wilma" who can't make up her mind about what she is actually going to purchase. This woman will ask you to void items and then put them back on and take something else off multiple times, and THEN will rush back out to the aisle to trade something for that other item that she almost bought and has decided to get instead! Trust me, I feel your pain...
She forgot Strolling Sue! The woman who lazily creeps down the middle of every isle, looking at every item and ignores you when you attempt to excuse yourself past her. They grocery stores seem to be littered with them.
"Last Minute Louise" - the person who waits until the checker is all done and has announced the total and THEN starts digging through her purse in search of the checkbook. And then starts writing the check (and at this point often turns into Meticulous Milly).
"Long-lost old friends" (best if a group of four or five) who seem to have not seen each other in years and take up the entire aisle hugging and catching up on things, oblivious to all trying to get around them. (Usually gnarly medical conditions and recent surgeries are the topics under discussion).
"Hen-Pecked Harry", who keeps a running commentary going on his cell phone with his wife "Bossy Bertha". "Should I get a half gallon or a gallon?" "they don't have Tropicana can I get Minutemaid?" etc. all the way through the store. Like poor Harry is not allowed to make these monumental decisions on his own.
Sorry - got carried away - you can tell this is a topic I can relate to. Really enjoyed your take on this!
Well, I used to have to deal with people like YOU... Sister Susanna, the Shopping Cart Saint. Poor bedeviled soul, plagued by the imperfection of others. So focused on the mote in the eye of another that she cannot see the beam in hers.
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I am in LOVE with the anonymous comment regarding my "poor bedeviled soul"! Thanks for teaching me a new word (mote) too! I just wish you had included your name so that I could thank you personally.
~Jenna McCarthy
This is hilarious. I've encountered all of these and more. There are annoying ones like those who insist upon making time-consuming returns with a regular cashier instead of going to customer service (like they should). The ones that root endlessly through their pockets/purses for change are also quite the chore. However the worst is when either the person ahead of you (or the cashier for that matter) decide to get into an involved conversation with someone else instead of just keeping the line moving smoothly along. Finish your transaction and have your conversation elsewhere! Say a quick hello and then arrange to call your friend later if you're working! There was one time where I had to wait almost fifteen minutes while the cashier chatted up on old times with some family friend - until I spied the supervisor returning from her break and called her over to break it up.