Expecting A's in School-- Is That Too Much To Ask?
In this time of over-scheduled kids, I think homework and school grades have been pushed to the back burner. What do expect from your tweens?
Since kindergarten, our children have known what we expect from them in school. We expect A’s and accept B’s. If there is an extenuating circumstance, we’ll look at it. But as a general rule, C’s are not allowed in this house.
Michael, our 10 year-old, has struggled with spelling in school since kindergarten. It’s just not this thing, and we understand that. But just because he’s not good at spelling doesn’t mean that it’s OK to push it aside and forget about it. Actually, we expect the opposite. Instead of doing the twice a week spelling homework that his teacher assigns, Michael has to study his words every night. And by study, I mean rewrite the words and take practice tests that are given by my husband or myself. It’s the only way we have found for him to memorize the words.
In my opinion, school is the only job that kids have. Working on homework and trying their best on tests and other school projects is all they have to do. Michael has parents that are willing to help him, and all of the resources that he needs are available at his fingertips. I was a poor student growing up, and I refuse to let him follow in my footsteps.
Many students are rewarded by their parents for their school grades. Five dollars for every A, or $100 for a straight-A report card. That doesn’t happen here. Michael’s reward for a good report card is not getting in trouble. Like I said before, A’s are expected and B’s are accepted, but getting a lower grade means that there are consequences.
Michael earned his first C on his last report card, in spelling. We knew that he wasn’t studying as much as he needs to, but are trying to have him take more responsibility for his grades. His consequence? Michael is not allowed to play video games of any kind until his next report card comes out, and then, only if that report card includes no C’s. This wasn’t something that we decided quickly. Michael has known what his consequence for C’s would be for a few years, we have explained our expectations often.
Are we being too harsh? Do you have similar rules in your home? How do you handle school report cards and academics in your house? I’d love to hear your views on this.
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I don't think you are being harsh at all since the consequences have been laid out for years. He knew what would happen if he chose this over that and his grades slipped. It's a hard lesson to learn, but as parents we are preparing our kids. There are always natural consequences as adults for our actions. I like seeing a parent that is willing to set boundaries and hold their child accountable. Our little man isn't school aged, but we will hold him to the same standards. As you said their are times when a "c" is okay, but lack of work (studying) is not one of them.
As a parent I can expect my child to study, work hard, complete projects on time, do the best she can. Studies must come first. If she does all of this to the best of her ability, and the result is still a C, punishment will not make her understand it better. The teacher may know a more effective way for your son to study spelling or for him to get extra help. It's good for you to care about his grades and study habits.
You are being totally unfair. Expecting high grades is not the way you should bring up a child, they should be expected to try their hardest. If your son struggles with his spelling maybe you should have him checked for a learning difficulty such as dyslexia, it may help him with his learning as you may find different techniques of learning which work better for him. You must also bear in mind that achieving a C grade still means he is average. He is not underperforming, only by your standards. Another thing to bear in mind is that grades at school are not the most important thing in life. He is ten years old, give him a childhood for christ's sake.
I have fairly fresh memories of the conventional methods of learning - repeating until it is banged into your head. This is not only monotone and boring, it is also ineffective since the knowledge usually goes away to make room for the next thing that's repeated to death.
Spelling and grammar has another, much more fun and stimulation, learning method - reading! This is because of the way our brains work - we remember words as one picture and not as a series of symbols (which is why we can usually see that a word is wrongly spelled before we figure out what's wrong, and why writing a word we are unsure of in different ways usually helps us figure out what's right). Reading lets you see the spelling of words and the build of sentences without feeling like you're banging it into your head, you get a natural feel for it. The extra bonus of actually learning something from the thing you are reading - be it moral from a fictional story, facts from a true story or just creativity and fantasy - doesn't hurt either. I know my childhood of reading has helped me greatly in school, even in the older years. I actually can't remember a time in school that I didn't benefit from my interest in reading.
So maybe give your son a period (why not between two report cards?) when you switch the usual spelling practise with reading. Find books he will really like, books he will really fall into and not want to put down. I think that at the following report card you will not only see an improvement, but you'll have a happier son as well.