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Do you and your spouse try to influence your child's gender roles?
Is it okay to let your son play dress-up?
According to a relative of mine who shall remain nameless, I am a bad mother and am behaving in a reckless manner in regards to my six year old son. Why you ask? Did I leave him stranded in a dark alley filled with child predators? No. Did I force posion down his gullet? No. Did I raise a hand to him to discipline him? No. So, what was my transgression? I allowed my six year old to don a wig and a princess dress of his own volition.Oh and the worst part about my action according to said relative, I posted this picture on the internet, where it will live on in infamy.
In other words, according to said relative, by posting a picture of my son dressing up in a feminine getup I have essentially besmirched his reputation for eternity. I guess if my son ever wants to be an executive at a Fortune 500 company (perish the thought) a physician or just a regular upstanding citizen this picture- which will now live forever on the internet- will gravely affect how he is perceived and might ruin his chances at a normal, stable adulthood.
Of course when I snapped the photo of my boy donning play clothes- this was the furthest thought from my consciousness. I was merely freeze framing that evanescent period of time when my son can express himself and freely imagine and play with no abandon and no sense of recrimination or pressure. I love this age- I adore his spirit, his silly side, the fact that he doesn't think anything is icky or too babyish. My boy is still so uncluttered and free-thinking and why this relative would want to impose their own values and mores on my young, innocent still untainted by society's prejudices son is truly beyond my comprehension.
I'll be honest- I don't know what would happen if my son decided he wanted to dress up like a girl every day. And like any other parents- my husband and I would cross that proverbial bridge if we needed to- I am confident- in the same way we've both encouraged our son to freely flex his imaginative play muscles. My husband, the ever conservative manly man- did not feel threatened by my son's choice of costume whatsoever- and his attitude and willingness to be open to our son's normal childhood exploration and expression is one of the reasons I am so madly in love with him. He gets it. He doesn't feel this pressing need to influence his habits and likes with strongly masculine proclivities- he just wants a boy who is happy. He wants a son who feels comfortable in his own skin and of course as his mother that is precisely all I could wish for as well.
As far as this relative of mine, or any other male or female, who feels unhinged by this picture of my son, I say, perhaps the problem is with you- and something you need to address. My son, and all boys his age, should luxuriate in their freedom of expression and imagination and really shame on you for projecting your own prejudices and uneasiness onto him.
Like my friend Christy Matte of Quirky Fusion says, "Plenty of guys in Scotland wear kilts. Pink is in for men. It's just clothing. People need to get over themselves."
Do you agree or disagree?
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Fantastic. My 4 year old son takes ballet and tap with his twin sister and you might think I parade him around in lipstick every day by the way my husband and his family react to it. I will never comprehend the issue with it.
Thank you for writing this! The other day I heard my sister tell her 3 year old son that little boys couldn't wear dresses or makeup. He is 3!!!! He just wants to play with his girl cousins!!! I didn't confront her on the issue but am glad to know that other people agree with what I was thinking, "Get over yourself and let your little boy play"
The very best way to have your children grow up to be stable, happy and confident adults, is to encourage they explore who they are from as early an age as they want to - and to make sure they know you accept them for whoever they turn out to be. Also, as soon as they are old enough to absorb the information, you need to tell them about different people and lifestyles. (For example, among transsexuals, many talk about how horrible it was growing up and feeling wrong - because no one told them about the people who get born with the wrong sex.)
Forcing your child to do something because you think it might make them grow up in a certain way, that will only result in a broken person with no sense of self.
So let your child explore the vast world of personality in freedom, just be there as a support.
Regarding: Do you and your spouse try to influence your child's gender roles?
Maybe you should think about what you said regarding HIS future and the posting of THAT photo on the internet. Regardless of what you think about it or say about it this young boy didn't really have anything to say about it. All this posting of everything on social media websites is a huge mistake. Taking a picture and putting in an album at home and showing it to family and close friends is a lot different than posting a picture on the internet. You need to be more responsible for your actions when they could affect a young person with no say in the matter. Even if he was asked he is not of the age where he can make responsible deciscions about his future that is why he has parents.
I personally do not have an issue with transgendered people or the concept of someone experimenting with their gender role. However, society tends to disagree, and is at best, uncomfortable around such people, especially during the teenage years. I don't think it really does any "harm" to let him dress up as a Princess, however, I'd discourage it from becoming a habit. Why? Well, you have to understand that children can be ruthless and cruel. It will only get worse during high-school, anyone who does not fit in, tends to either become a loner, or someone who is a target of ridicule. If he behaves oddly, chances are he will be bullied, and at best, socially ostracized. Don't tell him there's anything disgusting or wrong about it, just try and explain to him how boys and girls dress-up normally. If he as an adult wants to experiment with his gender role, he can do it comfortably without fear of ridicule, since adults tend to be much more accepting of differences, and he has the option of hanging out with a group of people who share his feelings.