My poor second kid Jackson - my husband and I admit that since Jackson is the second child, he has always gotten the shaft.
While my daughter had two portrait studio sittings to capture the essence of her babyhood, my poor son got a quickie one-shot picture at Babies "R" Us. No wallet sized photos or 5x7’s, just one 8×10 which we only recently framed and hung up next to the shrine of baby pictures erected for our daughter. When it came to birth announcements, we failed to procure any for him, and while my daughter had a first birthday party fit for royal consumption, poor Jackson just had his father, sister and me huddled around a $15 dollar cake singing happy birthday.
As for his successive birthdays - well they’ve either been at his school or huddled around a cake in the kitchen. My husband has rationalized this by saying, “Oh he’s too young to even comprehend or care about having a party in his honor,” and because I was either too tired or too lazy, I kind of went along with the theory. Then last year when Jackson turned five, he set the wheels in motion that for his sixth birthday we’d promise to throw him a bowling party.
Listen I am no Taylor Armstrong from the Beverly Hills Housewives. Throwing my kid a $60,000 birthday party in my opinion is OBSCENE. However, my husband, who truly believes kids don’t remember anything until they’re 18, doesn’t think any party over $50 is worth the investment. I cannot conceive of having to plan a wedding for my daughter with this man – but I digress...
I do see where my husband is coming from, somewhat - between the party bags, renting the bowling alley and buying pizza, ice cream cake, snacks, sodas and paper goods, we could likely feed a small country for several weeks for the same prize. In the midst of signing credit card receipts I wonder; as a five year old does he even appreciate all this hoopla and undertaking? Will he even remember it in a week from now? And really what’s so wrong with pin the tail on the donkey and a cupcake with a candle in it anyway?!
Regardless, Jackson is getting his birthday bash as promised, which will actually be in a space that doesn’t include our kitchen or his classroom. And this morning when he woke up and said, “Oh Mommy thank you for making me a party,” well my heart it just plain old melted and I realized, right here, right now he appreciates it and that is enough for me.
But let's be honest, do second kids get the shaft when it comes to birthday parties, baby pictures and clothing (my son is KING of the hand-me-downs!) Tell me what it's like in your family.
Ms. Chapman, I'm here to tell you that, yes, the child will remember he got the shaft. You clearly wrote it out in the first sentence. If you've noticed he gets the shaft, then you are way behind on when he picked up on it. So many adults pretend that their child doesn't possess a brain or memory just so they can pacify their parental guilt for what they have or have not done for their child. And before I get too far along in my comments I want to ensure you that my intention is not to make you feel bad about your choices thus far....it is to get you to open your eyes to your own inner knowing and verbal admissions. Find a way to have a budget party (by all means, no one should go broke for a birthday party), but also don't start a precedent that you cannot financially carry out for the next child in line. They notice. Even if they don't verbalize it now (or even notice it right away), when they are grown they will view family pictures that prove what did and did not happen. Above all of this, they will remember how they were spoken to and treated. That, for most, rings the loudest.