Bling, Bling for Your Lady Thing? Are Moms Giving This Trend A Try?

Va-What?  Va-huh?  Va-Why is it so Trendy to Adorn Your Vagina?

Seriously, either I’m too old or too prudish, but I can’t figure out why women need to do so much vaginal maintenance to get their man’s attention these days.  I used to be a vaginal visionary, a pioneer if you will.  I was the first on the block to get a Brazilian, a “landing strip,” and the unfortunate “wax-ident” I term, “The Charlie Chaplin.”  Well, I don’t have proof that I was the first, but I’m pretty confident.  Now, vaginal maintenance has become a truly hair razing experience. 

A couple years back, there was Va-hedging (okay, I don’t know about the term, but the trend was real) think Edward Scissorhands and a bottle of semi-permanent color.  You could have a red heart for V-day and a green clover for St. Patties.  Then there was vajazzling:  Using Swarovski crystals to add a little bling to your lady thing.  I had been waiting for someone to put those crystals to better use… what timing, I’m sure it made the 115yr old company proud to be associated with such a high class fad. 

Now, there’s vattooing also called twatooing (talk about class).  Vattooing, is airbrushing a temporary tattoo (which lasts about 7-10 days and can be removed with rubbing alcohol) to your nether regions.  I assume keeping the friction and rubbing to a minimum would lengthen the life of the vattoo, but it may be a sign that your pubis paintjob didn’t work its magic on your sex life.  Not only are there a variety of colors to choose from; some are glow in the dark – in case your festooned flower wasn’t screaming loud enough for attention. 

Why do women have to work so hard these days to keep their men interested in areas that have been interesting to men since the dawn of time?  Please, even those unruly hippy bushes of the 60’s couldn’t keep the men away, and they were a lot to work through.  Is it just us women constantly trying to make everything brighter, flashier, and hipper or are the men complaining?  “Honey, I wish you would do something with your vagina, it’s just so boring.  Whenever I see it, I want to give that thing a makeover.  How about a splash of color or a nice plant to spruce it up?  I don’t know, you’re the girl, you think of something to pretty up that eyesore.”  No, it can’t be the men because they would never say that.  If they were left in charge of decorating our va jay jays, I feel like there would be chips involved.  Well, chips or a flat screen.  No, we chicks are doing this extra work for the heck of it.  So, you know what?  I’m going to start a new trend and call it va-lectricity.  That’s right, let’s all hook up some holiday lights to our hoo hoos and set them to “twinkle.”  You could light up your landing strip until December and reuse them as decorations.  Scratch that, leave it up and hang mini ornaments.  How festive, huh?  Only one question, where would we put the battery pack?  Oh right.

Would you give this trend a try? Maybe for his birthday??