5 Tips for Parents Helping Kids Choose Role Models

Five tips for parents to help their children choose responsible role models?
by Dionne Grayman on January 19, 2012

At a family gathering during the King Holiday weekend, my aunt began to bemoan the lack of positive role models for today’s youth and proceeded to blame Lil’ Wayne, Ozzie Osborne and the entire Kardsahian clan for rampant ill-behavior. When asked where role models were to be found, she suggested the church. She was then reminded of the Catholic Church’s sex scandal and more recent ones involving mega church pastors Bishop Eddie Long and Ted Haggard. Sports? Coach Joe Paterno was fired for remaining silent following alleged sexual abuse by a former assistant. Retired baseball players Mark McGwire and Barry Bonds left the game with tarnished legacies due to rumored steroid use. Other athletes have been arrested for gun and drug possession; supermodels performed community service for assault; actors spewed racial epithets; singers rotated regularly through rehab. The list goes on and on, which begs the question: Do our kids even need role models?

Experts say yes. Role models matter because there comes a day-all too soon-when parents cease being the primary role model in their children’s lives. Adding the element of an all-access, all the time media which includes social platforms and the Internet, serves to ratchet up the challenge. But parents can navigate through choppy waters successfully:

  • 1. When kids are young, their exposure should be limited to age-appropriate material. Find examples of characters who share positive messages like sharing and tolerance. Make sure their exposure includes diversity of all stripes and hues-lots of “Sesame Street”! Most important, talk and read to them way more than they watch TV.
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  • 2. For kids who are in elementary school, use both positive and negative examples as a way to illustrate your values.  Talk about what’s meaningful and what’s unacceptable in your home. Avoid images of stereotypes and instead point out behaviors which are healthy rather than “gender” specific. Check mean behavior right away; discuss the concept of responsibility and consequences as a result of choice. While Nelson is at his terror best when torturing Millhouse on “The Simpsons”, explain why bullying is never funny or permissible.
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  • 3. With older kids, respect what they like even if you don’t like what they like. You can’t lend valid criticism to an argument if you don’t know anything about it. Listen to Gaga before dissing and dismissing. (Remember when you donned your first pair of fingerless lace gloves?) Letting your kids know why you don’t agree with a stance taken by someone they admire helps to serves as a bookmark of sorts when you’re not around--they’ll remember what page you were on.   
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  • 4. For all kids, establishing clear boundaries of what’s acceptable and what’s not is crucial. Children are forever learning. No matter how smart they are, or appear to be, nothing replaces sound guidance from the adults who love them most and have their best interests at heart. Do you really want someone from “The Jersey Shore” teaching any of your children anything? Really?
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  • 5. Finally, balancing their need for independence with your need for them to be safe can be managed. When in doubt, shut it down, turn it off, and cut the power. When kids become too connected to who they see and what they hear from a box and then let that box negatively drive behavior, loving parents address matters promptly.
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How do you help your child pick role models?

Related Article:
More About: communication skills, discipline strategies, health and wellness, choosing role models; peer pressure; positive parenting
 

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