About to Blend Your Family? New Baby After a Long Gap? Try These 5 Big Kid Tips

Having a new baby or blending with stepsiblings can be a difficult for older children.  Here are some expert tips for easing the transition.

For as long as your son or daughter can remember, they’ve been the only kid in the house.  All the attention, love, and concern you have to give is centered around your only child—and has been for years now. But if you’ve just found out that you’re expecting, or will be getting married soon to a partner who also has children, this will require some major adjustment on your child’s part.  Here are a few tips to help the both of you enjoy your new family structure.

1. 1. Let your child ask questions. Older children are likely going to have several questions about the bundle of joy on the way. Your son or daughter may ask “Will the baby be a boy or a girl?” or “Will you still be able to go to my dance lessons or baseball games after the baby comes?” The inquiries your child makes about the new baby’s birth—then the frequency of the questions—will give you a good idea of how interested your child is in having a new sibling.
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3. 2. Reminisce about ‘old times’ with your child before the baby arrives, or before your family is officially ‘blended.’  According to Bronwyn Charlton, Ph.D., it’s a good idea to allow older children to look at videos of themselves as babies, and to go through their baby photo albums with you. And, even though your child may be nearing adolescence, they’ll never get tired of hearing some of your favorite memories of them as babies.
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5. 3. Stick to a routine as much as possible, and be direct with your child about what to expect after the baby is born. Continue to tell your son or daughter things like “Mom’s going to be pretty tired after coming home with the baby” or “The new baby’s going to need a lot of attention. But, as much as possible, take your child to their normal activities, such as sports practice or arts classes, to show that the new baby is not taking your child’s place.
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7. 4. Arrange as many play-dates as possible with your child and your soon-to-be stepchild(ren). Kids need to see for themselves that their new stepsiblings are just as nervous about blending families, and stepsiblings who are around the same age will likely form a bond that will make their parents’ new marriage much easier to get used to.
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9. 5. Understand that your child may not be as happy about your upcoming marriage as you are. According to Dr. Sharon Fried, author of “New Parents are People Too”, your child may display feelings of resentment, and may feel betrayed by your choice to get married. Talk to your child about their definite place in the family, and assure him that you’ll always be there for them-no matter what.