Who IS This Child? 3 Ways To Keep Your Cool With A Middle-Schooler.

In one of my not-so-proud parenting moments last week, I actually asked my son "who are you?"

He was fighting with his little brother and when I told him to quit being mean, he shrugged his shoulders and happily said, "ok." 

I started to walk away, and saw that he was still smiling. This smug, tween "I know this drives you batty" smile. 

I walked right back up to him and said that it was rude to smile when you were in trouble. 

"Ok," he said again, smiling. 

And that's when I said it. "Who ARE you lately?"

I decided right then that this is only the beginning. He has been in 6th grade for six weeks, and this eye-rolling, smug, smiling at all the wrong times kid is only starting his terrible teen years. I can fight it every day for the next 8 years, or I can find a way to cope. Here's what I have come up with:

1. Pick your battles.

I guess I could stop the list right here, huh? Picking your battles doesn't mean that you give in or let your teen get away with everything. It means that instead of raising your voice or getting upset, you calmly say, "that was disrespectful" or "I'd appreciate you not saying that" and (ready for this?) be done with it. 

2. Highlight the good times.

"I had a good time today with you. I like being able to do things like this (movies, shopping) now that you're getting older." Make sure to acknowledge the positive times that you have together. It's not nearly as easy to remember to talk about good behavior and relationships as it is to point out faults. 

3. Acknowledge great friends (you know, the ones who don't teach your tween to be a brat).

You don't have as much control over who your teen hangs out with in middle school and high school as you did when they were younger. Instead of complaining about the friends that you don't really care for, make sure to talk about the great qualities that some of your tween's friends have. Are they polite? Do they compliment your cooking and say thank you every time you invite them over? Do they treat younger siblings respectfully? Clean up after themselves?

You can do it. You can take a deep breath and not engage, but it's difficult. Some days I feel as if all I do is raise my voice, and I truly want that to stop.

What do you do when you get the "tween attitude?" I need some suggestions, friends.