What Should You Do If Your Kid Catches You in the Act?

Talk about awkward. One mom's take on explaining the unexplainable.

I always say it’s not a matter of “if” your child will walk in on you and hubs doing the deed, it’s a matter of “when.”  Sure, there are lots of excuses:  “Mommy and Daddy were just wrestling… naked.”  “Oh, mommy slipped and her clothes fell off and dad was helping me up.  Why are his off too?  Well, he didn’t want me to feel silly.”  “This is a special dance we do for rain, you know like on the National Geographic channel?  Damn that drought and global warming!” And of course when they’re over a certain age, there’s just no explanation other than, “Okay, you caught us.”

In preparation for this very event, I asked Behavioral Therapist, Alison Astair of Weston Florida what the protocol is for such instances.  She agrees that the response varies with age, but the first step no matter what the age of your child:  Stop what you’re doing and ask him/her to close the door.  Clearly, sound advice, though in my marriage there are some romps that seems to last a minute, so technically we could just finish.  Um, kidding.  Puh-lease, I would never.  Anywho, the next step is to get some clothes on and go talk to your child.  If your child is under 10, try to gauge whether it’s curiosity, confusion, or fear that he/she is feeling and address those thoughts. Yep, I said fear, he/she may think someone is getting hurt, especially if you or the hubs is a quite the tiger in the sack.  Astair says, if it’s time for the “talk,” try explaining that the act what parents do when they love each other and consider picking up a book called Where Did I Come From,by Peter Mayle.  Remember, regardless of the age of the child focusing on love rather than the sex part, will make the process a bit less difficult. 

If your child is more of a tween or teen then embarrassment will most likely be the biggest issue – and I’m not talking your own embarrassment, which I assume will be off the charts.  You may even hear an “eww yuck,” ‘cause let’s face it – our kids see us as celibate the same way we imagine them as virginesque until the day they walk down the aisle (maybe longer). 

Astair says, to focus on the love, but I think, “What the hell?”  If they’re teenagers, make a joke out of it and move on.  “Yep, mom’s no nun.  How do you think we got you and your siblings, the stork?  I think using overly technical terms and explanations will only enhance the embarrassment.  Basically, be as honest as their age will allow and avoid sterile phrases like, “adults have needs too,” and your kids will be able to healthily discuss this incident in therapy for years to come.